My Lil Bitch
Everytime I breath, I struggle to hold in the pain that the air gives me. It’s not the air, nor the polution in it, it’s the fact that I’m still breathing at all. I hate liveing when I am liveing with out you, my love. All I ever wished for was to meet the love of my life and when I fineally did I messed it up, because I’m sutch a failiour at life.
Eating has become something I only do to make myself seem less like a zombie and more like a human. I hate food. All I taste is a bland blend of pencle shaveings and card board or the sting of a bee on your toung. Talk about nastey ass. I would be full on anerexic riight now if people would shut up and let me. I love them but I don’t love food.
I CANT SLEEP BECAUSE IF I DO YOU WILL BE THERE IN MY DREAMS AND WHEN I WAKE I WILL BE ALONE, CRYING! I cant think, cause when I do all I think about is the pain on yout face when Morgan said “you just got dumped!” and the way my heart shattered right then and there and I couldnt move til the feel of someones hand snapped me out of it 5 minutes later! I cant see, cause all it is is your face with a bunch of tide pool swerls spinning around you! I cant hear, cause I dont want to hear anything but YOU say “I love you and want you back”! I cant count, or keep track of time anymore because my mind is in sutch a haze! I cant die, cause I live for you! I cant live because I need you to care to live! I cant function without you! Everything hurts me inside! To see your face, hear your voice, or even your name is the only thing that lets me smile for real. But all threw the rest of the day I fake the way I feel, because if I showed you how I feel you’d hate what you’d see, a crying lost confused complicated hurt lonely girl in need of YOUR love. No matter how many people say “I love you Brittany” in a day I feel as if im the most hated person on earth! You made me see the light! You made me love flowers, and the sun, and the heat, and the day to come, and the sound of birds, and being alive! You made me more happy then I had ever been in my life!!! You made me feel jealousey for the first time in my life with any guy iv ever liked/dated! I saw your name everywhere even if it wasnt there! You made me smile just cause you said “HI” on a txt. You stood up for me no matter what! No one dose that! You made me cry harder then anyones ever cryed, literally makeing my shirt soaked in tears! All thats left of me is a body and eyes filled with terror and tears. My heart and happyness is with you. I cant even laugh for my little brother… I dont know how much that must confuse him. I cut myself for the first time ever because I wanted to die if I coulnt have you anymore. “Kill me and make me suffer” “Kill me and get this everlasting pain over with. just kill me”…
even if we got back togather… how would YOU be able to truse me… idk… I just hope one day we wil be togather forever… just like you said… i love you, Charlie my Lil Bitch.
Your, Dentyne Fire.
